Want to break up with your stupid boyfriend? Let ‘girl code’ be your guide [video]
No matter how many times you’ve sworn to never be someone’s angry ex, not every relationship comes to an amicable end. In fact, more often than not, splitting up with your boyfriend is a rage-filled endeavor — and there’s no shame in going down in a blaze of expletive glory. If your current beau has recently transformed from Prince Charming into a beer-bellied barney and you need to shed the dead weight, “Girl Code” dictates a simple five-step breakup process in the video below. We have it on good authority that it’s pretty foolproof, as long as you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty…
Step 1: F**k his s**t up.
Losing a boyfriend, even if it’s of your own volition, can be hard to deal with, but one surefire way to make the pain subside is by completely ruining his most prized possession(s). Take a sledgehammer to those 8th grade baseball trophies, then be on your way.
Step 2: Return his gross boy stuff.
At some point you’re going to have to give him back his crap — it’s only fair — but there’s no real rule on how it gets back to him, so Alesha Renee says the best way to “take out the trash” is to burn it on your front lawn. A little dramatic? Sure, but didn’t Step 1 already teach you the benefits of property destruction?
Step 3: Delete him from all social media.
In the Internet age, going from “Facebook official” to single again is a bold move, becauseeverybody gets wind of it at the same time — and can even like and/or comment on it. Oh joy! There’s no avoiding the public breakup road, but at least you can minimize its longevity. Once you’re done changing your relationship status, unfriend him, unfollow him and BLOCK him for good.
Steps 4 & 5: Wine and friends will see you through.
Once you’ve completed Steps 1-3, you may start to feel a little bummed by the gap in momentum. Forget the ice cream — it’s time to whip out the good stuff. Grab a big ol’ bottle of vino (or, uh, just stick with the ice cream if you’re under 21), your best girlfriends and smack talk that d-bag into oblivion.