The 4 most important tips for having a healthy hookup
Mike and Amanda endured ups and downs during their “Are You the One?” courtship — but during last night’s two-part season finale, the couple hit a critical breaking point when a late-night fight turned into a physical altercation.
Here’s how the non-perfect pair reached this troubling point: Mike confessed during a separate interview that he felt regret about having sex with Amanda (again) and needed to be careful about how he addressed his budding romance with Kayla. But when he decided to come clean to Amanda about a recent smooch he shared with Kayla, the Colorado native was riled up about the lip-lock and didn’t hold back her feelings.
“Kiss one of my friend’s in the house, and you’re going to walk away like a little bitch?” she yelled, before adding during a separate interview that the entire scenario made her feel like he had cheated on her.
While Mike repeatedly stated he just wanted to have a conversation, Amanda wanted no part of it and kept screaming “bye” in his face while hitting him with a Solo cup (seen above). Their fellow cast members — Kiki, Austin, Hannah and Zak, who admitted that the duo were “toxic” — sat silently and didn’t try to stop the two. Mike then expressed his desire to go to sleep; however, when he got into his bed, Amanda followed and continued to lambaste him (despite him asking her to please go away).
“I am a garbage man, and you are my product,” he spat. She quickly asked if he was calling her trash (which he denied), but the damage was done: She began to remove his bedding — while he lay in his bed — and hit him with several of his pillows. Mike quickly asked for help from a nearby Chuck — not to mention Hannah and Zak were in the bed next to his — but nobody stepped in during the heated situation. He grabbed a pillow and smacked Amanda with it, then picked her up and threw her across the bed — while yelling at her to “get the f**k away.”
At that point, several cast members intervened and separated the two — and to avoid any further fighting, Mike was removed from the house for the night.
While Mike and Amanda should not have put their hands on one another, it is imperative to try to understand this specific situation — and how a similar scenario can be avoided. With this in mind, MTV News spoke with Cameka Crawford from the organization loveisrespect to discuss this troubling episode and the importance of being honest and open with your partner before taking your relationship to an intimate level.
“It’s important to be on the same page when you’re hooking up,” she says. “This situation could have been avoided if, early on, they actually sat down and had a conversation.”
With that, here are four ways to have a healthy hookup with your partner:
1) Know what hooking up means for both you and your partner.
“That’s so critical because it’ll help you when you’re in this relationship to avoid something you regret,” Crawford says. “With regards to Mike, he regretted having sex with Amanda again. And two of the questions that you should ask yourself are, ’What does this hookup mean to me?’ and ’What does this hookup mean to my partner?’” Because the reality, Crawford says, is that two people can be hooking up together but have totally different ideas about their relationship. And that’s why, she stresses, “It’s really important that you talk.”
2) Make sure the hookup is consensual between both partners.
“It’s important that you check in with each other and make sure that you are on the same page, and both partners are willing to have sex, or hook up,” Crawford explains.
3) Be sensitive of the other person’s emotions.
“When you’ve hooked up with someone, be considerate of the other person’s feelings,” Crawford states. “Amanda thought one thing because Mike had sex with her, and Mike thought another thing — and then he hooked up with someone else in the house who was a friend of hers, and her feelings were hurt.”
4) Set boundaries before you get into the situation.
“Before you hook up, people should figure out what their boundaries are,” Crawford says. “Think about what you’re comfortable doing and not comfortable with; think about communicating that to the person when you make the decision to hook up with them. How are you going to tell somebody, ’This is as far as I’m willing to go?’ It all really goes back to communication before it happens.”
She continues that it’s crucial to “listen to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, it’s not,” Crawford concludes. “There is nothing wrong with not going through with the hookup if you’re not comfortable with it. In this case, it’s okay to be selfish and think of your feelings ahead of the other person’s feelings.”
If you have any questions about relationships, you can contact the organization by visiting its website loveisrespect.org, texting loveis at 25222 (sponsored by Mary Kay), or calling 866-331-9474.
And if you see a loved one or friend experiencing an escalating situation after a hookup, here are some ways that you can help them avoid a crisis:
1) Make your presence known and get a little closer to the situation (adding a number of people puts pressure on those who are fighting to stop).
2) Try to separate the pair, if possible.
3) Consider your reinforcements (use your loved ones or friends to intervene or act as backups in a situation).