Nine nsfw channing tatum stripteases, ranked by pelvic thrusts

I don’t know if you’ve heard this, but serious actor slash winning comedian slash romantic lead slash action hero Channing Tatum is also a former stripper, with years of history and dozens of physically impressive routines to his name. And since he also seems like a genuine and genuinely humble guy, he’s shared some of these routines with the world — and not only via his game-changing “Magic Mike” franchise.

Below, we’ve ranked our favorite Channing dances by the power of their pelvic thrusts — though surely this list will change once “Magic Mike XXL” hits theaters on July 1. Enjoy, but maybe not when your boss is around.

9. Channing’s lap dance surprise, from “The Ellen Show”

Far too brief; not enough thrust. But entirely adorable, too!

8. Channing’s Bongo’s Clown Room get down, from “SNL”

It’s a testament to Channing’s physicality that, even when he is playing a mentally and physically disabled slash severely abused stripper on “SNL,” he still manages to be insanely desirable while doing so. This video is a bit lacking in the thrust department, but still: well done, sir.

7. Channing’s “Hot Cop” showdown, from “Magic Mike”

The pros: butt, bod, floor humping, hilarious Hot Cop costume that would make Tobias Fünke burst with pride. The cons: too many screaming, coked-up coeds.

6. Channing’s Los Angeles Pride crotch-grab, from last weekend

Kudos to this “Magic Mike” fan who caught Tatum gyrating and crotch-grabbing at the Los Angeles pride parade last weekend. No clothing was removed, but the actor’s infectious can-do attitude, his hip thrusts, and his support for the LGBT community makes this dance a winner.

5. Channing’s big solo, from “Magic Mike”

Mike’s solo is pretty good — but it’s mostly focused on impressive dance moves, and far less bawdy and humptastic than some of his other routines. I could see this entire number going down in an NSYNC video (the hanging from the ceiling stuff is basically the opening to the “No Strings Attached” tour, minus the puppets), making it a relatively tame chapter in Channing Tatum canon.

4. Channing’s group number, from “Magic Mike”

Everything about these sexually suggestive umbrellas is spectacular — and when we have to watch Channing thrust with other people, we prefer it to be the likes of Joe Manganiello and Matt Bomer.

3. Channing’s promotional strip surprise, from the “Magic Mike XXL” press tour

This is easily one of the most heartwarming videos on the Internet, because it at least seems like none of these women knew that the weird old man was Channing Tatum all along. The striptease was more of a lap dance than an all-out routine, but this is up there for the surprise factor — and who doesn’t like to watch some “old man” thrusting on a Monday morning?

2. 18-year-old “Chan Crawford’s” Florida striptease, from real life

This dance lacks the panache of Mr. Tatum’s later work, but “Magic Mike” never would have happened if Chan Crawford hadn’t gyrated like crazy in a thong jockstrap down at the Male Encounter in Florida. Can’t mess with the classics.

1. Channing’s OG “Pony” dance, from “Magic Mike”

Why mess with the classics? From the genius song selection to the backflips off stage to the audience participation, Tatum’s biggest “Magic Mike” moment (so far) is a clear winner. He didn’t even need a gimmick like the rest of the dudes in the gang, since his incredible physical prowess, his skillz with the popping and locking — and yes, the thrusting — basically spoke for themselves.