Hurling on an infant or almost-incest: which “fail” stands above the rest?

“If you’ve ever texted about lube, tweeted from the drive-thru or searched for ‘sex as a weapon,’ we’re on to you.”

Sounds dangerous, Hasan Minhaj, but we shall proceed! On last night’s “Failosophy,” Sara Schaefer joined the panel of Internet experts to share her thoughts on things like Crisco-as-lube and near-naked selfies taken in the presence of children. It was a pretty rough one, you guys, but three particularly shame-worthy stories rose from the rubble.

First, a gentleman sporting a menacing mustache confessed he convinced his girlfriend to chop off her signature dreadlocks — then, only a week later, dumped her. Not the kindest thing to do, but at least he kept his love life off his family tree’s branches, something another show guest couldn’t claim.

After meeting the man of her dreams, flirting with him to excess and getting his number, the young lady saw him at her family reunion, and found out through grandma that he was her COUSIN. Yeesh. Still, the heebie-jeebies wouldn’t find their rightful home until a final audience member admitted that nausea got the best of him during a flight. Happens to the best of us, right? Unfortunately, his barf bag ended up being a baby, making him the inaugural member of the mile-shame club.

Tell us, which fail threw you most off-balance this week?