Don’t try this at home: “buckwild” tent pitchin,’ fire jumpin’ and money buryin’

“WARNING: This show features wild and crazy behavior that could result in serious personal injury or property damage. MTV and the producers insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any activity performed.” Sound familiar? Each week, Remote Control is bringing you the most insane stunts pulled on “BUCKWILD” to serve as a warning to impressionable young souls: Don’t try this at home. Especially the following…

DON’T jump over bonfires. One way to seal the deal with your Cinco de Sissonville crush? Ask him to jump over a blazing fire in exchange for a smooch on the lips! Or don’t. Really, just don’t. It’s a good thing Anna’s Rico Suave didn’t burn up trying to impress her, or she’d have nothing left to pine over. Flowers work too, A!

DON’T bury your life savings. When Joey and Tyler caught Shain with a jar full of dough (money, mind you — we’re not talkin’ ’bout the innards of Gandee Candy), the boys were clearly intrigued. Despite his friends saying they’d dig it up to steal later on, Shain insisted on putting his cash in the ground. So, not only will he have to contend with greedy friends to eventually uncover his hard-earned money, he’ll also need to brush up on his cartography skills to find it again. Word of advice: If you need to store your dinero someplace safe, try a bank and not the bushes.

DON’T go camping with your ex. Ex-boyfriend, ex-lover…doesn’t really matter when you’re in God’s amusement park. Steer clear of camping with couples when you’re single,especially if your ex is fornicating with one of your closest friends. Cara got mad jelly (duh) when her former fling Tyler cozied up to Katie in the wilderness (sadly, Shain’s awkward advances certainly didn’t ease her bitterness). She could have saved herself some heartbreak (and maybe found a new man) if she’d stayed back home with the other gals.

Get your helmets ready, kids: The “BUCKWILD” season finale happens this Thursday at 10e/p!