Don’t try this at home: “buckwild” lust triangles, redneck water sports and flaming love confessions

“WARNING: This show features wild and crazy behavior that could result in serious personal injury or property damage. MTV and the producers insist that no one attempt to recreate or re-enact any activity performed.” Sound familiar? Each week, we’re bringing you the most insane stunts pulled on “BUCKWILD” to serve as a warning to impressionable young souls: Don’t try this at home. Especially the following…

DON’T hook up with your girl’s friend and lie about it. Love triangle alert! Remember when we said you shouldn’t bump ‘n’ grind in your bestie’s bed? Well, the same goes for hooking up with her man. When Tyler tapped Ashley in a pickup truck and then pretended it never happened, not only could Katie’s screams be heard through all of Sissonville, but the tryst threatened his lake trip attendance — because nobody believed him. Fortunately, playing ultimate stuntman in the woods meant more to Tyler than keeping up the charade, and he came clean so he wouldn’t be left behind.

DON’T participate in redneck water sports. Be it backhoe water skiing, makeshift Slip ‘N Slides or catapulting yourself off a half-assed ramp…just DON’T do any of it. We’re not entirely sure what a backhoe is for (digging up backyards?), but we are pretty confident it’s not meant to swing rowdy youngsters around on soapy trash bags. And don’t even get us started on the shoddy lakeside ramp built by a bro who calls himself “Blue Foot.” In the understatement of the century, Katie calls it “totally unsafe.” Um, did y’all see Shain’s bloody face after slinging his body off the incline? Yikes. If he can’t handle it, nobody can.

DON’T play with flame throwers and propane tanks. Sweet Gandee Candy’s heart was in the right place, but that boy could have lost a limb! The Wolfpen resident hasn’t been shy about his lust for Cara, and just when we thought there was no hope for a budding West Virginia romance, Shain shocked us with a glowing gesture that made Ronnie’s romantic date look like amateur hour. Between Shain and Anna’s fire-leaping beau, we feel the need to mention that fire is not the only way to proclaim love. However, the blazing spectacle got the job done, and Cara and Shain sealed the deal with a big ol’ kiss. That’s our boy!

If we were all superheroes who could survive anything, which “Don’t Try This At Home” shenanigan would you most want to try? Comment, and console yourself with barbecued squirrel meat while you wait for Season 2!