Delete your account: defending azealia banks, and what white nonsense is yacht?

You know how good Chance the Rapper is? Coloring Book has filled all of our lives with harmonious joy. Twitter is a sea of positive vibes, gospel hymns, and block party libations. Well, at least for everyone other than me. I have some people to drag for a quick minute this Friday before I can listen to the Gospel of Chancelor Bennett. And God said “Let there be account deletion,” and there was account deletion. But not by my hand: Twitter stepped in and deleted Azealia Banks’s account for her. We also experienced the white nonsense of Yacht, Nicki Minaj turning into Drake, and BuzzFeed thinking people don’t know the lyrics to a 15-year-old Jennifer Lopez song.

AZEALIA BANKS

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It is with a heavy heart that I must … defend Azealia Banks. Not against her inexcusable racist tirade against Zayn Malik (for “stealing” the concept of one of her music videos or whatever). No, I’m here to defend her against Twitter deleting her account. But more on that in a moment. Azealia has graced the pages of Delete Your Account before. She’s the sewer the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles climbed out of, come to life. She’s a fake deep Hotep who pretends to be against the “mental illness” of whiteness (which, girl, you never even stayed awake in a single class in high school, did you?). She uses black men’s bodies as weapons in her attacks, like when she told Sarah Palin she wanted her to be gang raped. I have no sympathy for her. She needs help and should seek it immediately, whether that’s through proper medication or intense therapy.

There’s no excuse for the things that she called Zayn Malik, whom she accused of jocking her music video style for his latest, “Like I Would.” Though, to be fair, I’m kind of glad she came for him because it gave Zayn another opportunity to show the world what a true shade queen he is.

Skai Jackson, whom you might know as Twitter’s favorite meme of 2016, jumped in to defend Zayn and delivered a withering drag to Azealia. Here we had three celebrities going at one another, and it could’ve remained some idiotic foolishness we’d all forget about by the weekend. Until … Twitter stepped in.

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Should Twitter Reactivate Azealia’s Account? Yes. The only person around here who needs to be getting celebrities to delete their accounts is me.

YACHT

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 Who the fuck is Yacht? Why have we been talking about a floating water vessel for the past week? According to my esteemed colleague Meaghan Garvey, they’re some indie band who decided to fake leaking a sex tape for some free press. But that still doesn’t explain to me why people cannot shut up about Yacht. Music Twitter was aflutter that some no-name band like Yacht would pull this stunt. I wasn’t particularly shocked because I don’t know who they are, so when I heard “Yacht is selling their leaked sex tape” I was like, why are these white people stealing plot lines from Love & Hip-Hop? Don’t you have to be somewhat famous for people to want to buy your sex tape? Why would I ever want to buy a sex tape that Miranda fucking July thinks is hot?

I should acknowledge that some have accused Yacht of glorifying revenge porn, which, I guess. I don’t think Yacht put that much thought into their idiotic PR stunt, and the only thing that seems glorified here are the reactions to the incident. Like I already mentioned, black people dealt with this nonsense on Love & Hip-Hop a year ago when Mimi Faust staged a fake sex tape leak. It was mostly Us Weekly fodder, and for the most part, people shrugged, called Mimi thirsty as hell, then moved on with their lives. There were no outcries about revenge porn, but that’s not surprising. There’s always a (justifiable) uproar when nude photos of white women like Jennifer Lawrence are hacked, but no one can be bothered when black women are the victims. So pardon me if this uproar over Yacht feels more like Oprah on the couch with James Frey, chastising him for duping her. Someone even crafted a Medium post about how this is what happens when people cry wolf and you believe them and good Lord. These nonsense boat people stirred up a controversy and got people to talk about it and y’all are still talking about it. Still. Have their song plays even gone up? I haven’t bothered to listen to a single song. Because I don’t care about a band that has to fake a leaked sex tape for attention. And neither should anyone else! But white people must get these think pieces out because we must be vigilant about something like this never happening again.

Even Rita Ora hasn’t faked a leaked sex tape, y’all.

Should Boat Delete Their Account? Who are these people.

JUSSIE SMOLLETT

Spoiler alert: Jussie Smollett’s character, Jamal, was shot on this week’s Empire. Whether he lives or dies is a plot point the show would probably like to keep a secret, but when has that ever stopped an actor from being thirsty? According to Entertainment Weekly, Jussie is not leaving the show and is still under contract, which means this cheap grab for attention is tacky as fuck.

True, it could have just been a “time to make a record because I’m going on hiatus!!!!” tweet, but the season finale airs next week and he’s already been on hiatus since the second season stopped taping. SO WATER U DOIN JUSSIE.

Should Jussie Delete His Account? No, but he should probably check his contracts before he tweets next time.

NICKI MINAJ

Nicki … no. This is beyond beyond beyond extra. Does anyone even know who Safaree Samuels is? He’s Nicki’s ex, yes, but he’s nowhere near the global superstar that Nicki is. This is the definition of punching down. And what’s worse is Nicki retweeting every single one of her fans who jump in the drag and shade Safaree along with her.

Stop giving him press, ma. He wouldn’t have any attention at all if it weren’t for this, and a few bad tweets won’t keep him from popping up on Love & Hip-Hop. You know who you’re being right now? Drake. This is just like Drake going after your man Meek and trolling him with a PowerPoint presentation of memes. It’s super petty! Is this your way of clapping back publicly since you never went after Drake for attacking Meek? Is it easier to attack Safaree, who probably has enough trouble getting his shifts at Walgreens covered?

Should Nicki Delete Her Account? Nah. Who else could collect Taylor Swift on Twitter so effortlessly? Nicki is a gift.

AVRIL LAVIGNE

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 Should Avril Delete Her Account? If it’s going to become a Nickelback fan account…

 

JA RULE

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I’m not even going to pretend I want Ja Rule to delete his account, because Fox Business’s favorite rapper turned talking head turned sleuth with horn-rimmed glasses not knowing how the Internet works is kind of hilarious. Almost as hilarious as The New Yorker having a white person write a think piece about the Crying Jordan meme, because of course a white person wrote a think piece about the Crying Jordan meme.

I actually thought that this would be the dumbest Ja Rule–related thing to appear in Delete Your Account this week, but ALAS…

No, we haven’t.

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