Paris Hilton
Photo: MTV News

I'd be writing my first official novel if I went on and on about all the juicy activities today at the VMA media forum. I'm gonna attack this the only way my 2am brain can conceive of: highlights.  Short and sweet ... like my favourite socks with sandals rapper T.I. (seriously - like Ned Flanders style).

We start off the day with a media pass pick-up and a hike through the Paramount Studios lot.  Ever been to Universal Studios?  You know, the theme parks in LA and Orlando?  It's like that, but with more whizzing golf carts and tattooed grips than you can imagine.  It's like a Florida retirement village meets a Guns'N'Roses concert.  We land in our sweet spot for the media blitz and set up shop. Laptop connection?  Check.  Mega memory on the cam?  Check. Coffee on the craft services table? Check (thank gawddddd!).  And so we begin.

First up?  Paramore.  Now, I've said before that I am not their #1 fan, and think they are more Pop than Rock, but I have officially eaten my words today.  I loves them!  From their cutesy knitted caps to Hailey's retro jelly shoes and rolled-up skinny jeans ... I am like a deer in headlights with their sweet smiles and down-right nicey-niceness.  Seriously, they couldn't be more accommodating or cool.  And I got to check out their remote sound check too - lookin' and soundin' good!  I am sooooo stoked for their VMA performance live from the infamous Whiskey club this Sunday!  I've swam over to the GO PARAMORE ship!  Ahoy!

On to a Paris Hilton.  Yep, PARIS not PEREZ.  The gal is am amazon!  Honestly, she may take the most amazing pics (no matter what angle we took, she looked bloody flawless) but I could hitch a ride on those feet!  Giiii-normous!  You know what they say about girls with big feet ... well anyway ... I'm taking a break (ya, this girl loves to eat) and was shoving a veggie sammy down my throat, when I look over and who's giving me the once over.  Yep, Paris. Up and down.  Up and down.  I'm in mid-chew.  You know, the big kind where you can barely even close your mouth it's so stuffed. Ya, that one.  She leans over to her wrangler, whispers something (I feel like I'm back in grade 10), and carries on to her next interview. Wrangler dude moves my way, OMG I'm thinking she wants to tell me to stop by the mans later for a 'tini ... but he walks right by and grabs her a coffee.  I need to regroup.  I'm supposed to hate her highness ... I think my blood sugar was low.  That must have been it.

Move over high-school flashbacks, and helloooooooo boys!  It's Chester Bennington and Joe Hahn from Linkin Park. Mmmmmmm.  How pleasantly surprised I am that Chester is just as dreamy in person as on stage. I just know under those shades that he's looking right into my eyes.  Yes, that's it. 

You know you're in LA when names like New York are not all that weird.  So it's MTV's own New York, and she's a ham and surprisingly classy (in her own 'special' belly-shirt and 2 inch nails way).  She's also a huge gum chewer and had to spit hers into her hand before she went on camera. Fast forward to a completed interview, and NY goes to remove the gum from her hands.  Nope.  Not moving. Someone passes her a piece of paper to wipe it off - only makes it worse.  Someone passes her a napkin - now that's on her hand too.  It's Blog-girl to the rescue ... I give her a piece of the black camera tape and tell her to 'wax' it off (years of bikini waxing torture actually paid off).  It works. Just another day in the life of blogger turned life saver.

More MTV alum - and they're larger than life! It's Man and Wife stars, Fatman Scoop and Shanda.  Two of the best self promoters I've ever met.  They worked the room all day and it was clear they were having a blast.  It was quite the spectacle, they really are larger than life. And the man LOVESSSSSSS Canada.  Right down to our lengthy review of Edmonton and Kitchener real estate.  Scoop even got up and rocked out to Bon Jovi on RockBand.  He killed it! 

And then there was T-Pain.  Another master promoter.  The man was looooooooooooooooaaaaaded.  His cute little Louis Vutton knapsack was carrying more than just a Gucci wallet and gold tooth shiner.  Shhhh - I think it was filled with Patron.  During our chat with the man of a million hats, he ignored the questions (host: "are you listening to me?", T-Pain - "what?"), ate and reviewed chips ("damn git me some more!"), and screamed weird strings of words (maybe it was some kind of LA mating call I am not familiar with yet?).  I almost spit out my own half eaten chips at his performance.  I can't wait to see what he does on the red carpet on Sunday.

And you know it's a good day, when you FINALLY get to take a much needed bio break, and you are lucky to find the out-houses. Ya, I was worried, but when you've waited so long that you feel numb, any lane or parking lot will just about do. But man, these were the 'Cadilacs' of portable washrooms.  They were nicer than my own more 'Corolla-esque' loos back home. Seriously. 

Sweet dreams of sweet toilets, red headed angels and water skiing with Paris ...