They say ignorance is bliss but how would they know?
Posted By: Russell Brand
Does everyone realize 2Chainz sounds exactly like @hannibalburess???!!
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
CONGRATS, BOSS! Thanks 2U guys, Ghost Protocol just became the highest grossing film in Tom's entire career! –TeamTC http://t.co/B8OsEXpY
Posted By: TomCruise.com
Is everyone's Guitar from Guitar Hero collecting as much dust as mine?
Posted By: Paul Scheer
Should I worry if my Indian food smells like cum? Need a quick answer.
Posted By: Sarah Silverman
MIAMI: Im doing a show on 3/3 somewhere in Miami. Ltd # of tickets with NO SHITTY FEES on sale at 10am here: http://t.co/6kugaNZ6
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
on 2/7 @alyankovic joins the HDTGM podcast LIVE @largolosangeles for BIRDEMIC w/ star @mooreofwhitney - Buy Tix http://t.co/udvDbAip
Posted By: Paul Scheer
I heard Puxatawny Phil saw that Ferris Bueller Honda CR-V commercial and decided never to come out again. #GroundhogDay
Posted By: Paul Scheer
One of the funniest shows - DELOCATED - is back tonight at midnight on Adult Swim. Watch!! Here's a preview: http://t.co/l88aRMPa
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
Watch this new Tom Haverford compilation of "Tommy Talk": http://t.co/NWk0QToD (Also new Parks ep tonight at 830/730c on NBC)
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
One thing that's really fun to make when you're really fucked up is big decisions
Posted By: Sarah Silverman
Your Favorite Tom Cruise Movie Quotes Are Ready For Prime Time! Here's a compilation of your top #TCMovieQuotes http://t.co/hOWPlaPF
Posted By: TomCruise.com
I'll be at @moontowercomedy Festival in Austin. Badges for the fest avail here: http://t.co/Ep5qpEti (Tickets for just my show on sale 2/23)
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
Seems like everyone in the U.K. is a DJ
Posted By: Paul Scheer
No checkin luggage. Only carryons. No liquids over 3.5 oz. SlipOns. Boarding pass on my phone. #WhatchuKnowBoutMyExpertTravelaSwag
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
Nic Cage+Nicole Kidman x Home Invasion-Hair+Wigs=HDTGM? Listen 2 our podcast w/ @RachaelEHarris - http://t.co/4m2GfAem
Posted By: Paul Scheer
"The Bachelor" is brought to you by, helicopters!
Posted By: Sarah Silverman
Lessons from 2Nite's Bachelor: True Love is not being from New Jersey, Skinny Dipping can be creepy, There is crying in Softball
Posted By: Paul Scheer
Just heard 2 puppies from the Puppy Bowl were arrested for DUI in Miami last night. Animal Planet still has no comment.
Posted By: Paul Scheer
Agreed. Capn's choice. “@ericwareheim: Have you seen this: http://t.co/Zt31TpmG MY fav Farley sketch. Amazing SFX and chef cutaway.”
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
In respect for the distinguished Tuskegee Airmen I send a shout out to @RedTailsMovie for their successful opening last weekend.
-Tom
Posted By: TomCruise.com
Lil cousin Harris trying to get free Chobani yogurts through Twitter. Follow him at @HarrisRules13 for updates. #GetHarrisFreeChobani
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
I took the Tim & Eric Billion Dollar Movie Pledge, because I love @timheidecker & @ericwareheim: http://t.co/jg2ywJk9
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
"Ooooh Taco Bell breakfast menu" (in a hushed whisper) - @jwoliner during our "Writers Meeting" #WolioBeggingMeNotToTweetThis
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
If you haven't yet, definitely check out the truly amazing Todd Glass episode of Marc Maron's @WTFpod. Do it: http://t.co/N3YrAWcG
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
DO IT FOLKS! “@mulaney: My Comedy Central Special "NEW IN TOWN" premiers TONIGHT at 10/9c. I hope you watch it. Love, John
Mulaney.”
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
Follow Friday: Welcome @nickswardson to Twitter-ville y'all!!!!!
Posted By: Aziz Ansari
Watch #TheLifeAndTimesOfTim tonight on HBO. I hold a strip club called Bonerz hostage. (True Story) WATCH A CLIP: http://t.co/wpgDpM9b
Posted By: Paul Scheer
The final WINNER announced in this week's #TopGun trivia series! Find out if u won a blu-ray & digital copy of the film http://t.co/HGgb2KL7
Posted By: TomCruise.com
I just took the Tim & Eric Billion Dollar Movie Pledge. Still not Convinced U Should? Then watch http://t.co/o6Khng0r
Posted By: Paul Scheer
Watch Tom's career retrospective covering 30 years of filmmaking & share ur fav quote w/ us using #TCMovieQuotes http://t.co/iHRL3He4
Posted By: TomCruise.com